{"id":124,"date":"2022-01-15T15:43:14","date_gmt":"2022-01-15T15:43:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/la-granota.com\/blogs\/?p=124"},"modified":"2023-04-26T09:02:31","modified_gmt":"2023-04-26T09:02:31","slug":"ghastly","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/la-granota.com\/blogs\/index.php\/2022\/01\/15\/ghastly\/","title":{"rendered":"Ghastly"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Schoolchildren: do you KNOW<\/strong> that all of the teachers at your school are weirdos \u2013 ranging from the merely peculiar to the downright creepy\/sinister \u2013 but when you try to tell this to your parents, they don\u2019t believe you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Grown-ups: do you remember feeling like this when you were at school?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then have we got the perfect book for you!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Strange goings-on at Cudby Yaw Primary School are related by Lynda Thornhill<\/a> (herself with \u201ca background in teaching\/schools\/kids\u201d<\/em>, although she doesn\u2019t specify further than that). Lynda says that writing \u201cwas always my dream job\u201d<\/em> and we<\/strong> think that she writes like a dream! (If you count nightmares.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The illustrations are by Kay Johanna (Lynda specifically asked for them to be in back & white and “very dark”), who’s a Social Sciences student.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Think \u201cTales Of The Unexpected\u201d crossed with \u201cThe Addams Family\u201d only \u2013 in our honest opinion \u2013 even more nasty and even funnier.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s a sneak preview of just 2 of the [shorter] chapters in \u201cGhastly School Shorts\u201d, NOT selected at random\u2026 with the warning that other chapters are creepier. We don\u2019t want to shock you TOO much right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ghastly School Shorts<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chapter 1: Reception<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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It was the start of term at Cudby Yaw Primary School. Mr. Sickly-Sweet beamed encouragingly at his new class, whose parents had only moments ago finished sobbing into their handkerchiefs and sprinted from the playground, jostling each other to get out of the gates and air-punching their way to their cars.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\u201cGood morning, boys and girls! What a lovely year we\u2019re going to have together!\u201d Mr. Sickly-Sweet began optimistically, as he did at the start of every year. \u201cNow, I know that some of you are feeling a little bit sad and unsure at the moment. But don\u2019t worry! Our lovely teaching assistant, Mrs. Bashir, is here to help us all. And today, children, you\u2019re going to make lots of new friends to play with.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n


Christopher looked around timidly at the other children and wondered vaguely why his mother hadn\u2019t let him stay at home, as he usually did. Why had she made him come to this strange new place, with its dark, forbidding walls and impossibly high ceilings, when he could be at home playing with Christian, his younger brother?<\/p>\n\n\n\n


Sensing his unease, Mrs. Bashir came towards Christopher and took him briskly by the hand, as she gave him a tour of the classroom and the outdoor play area that was reserved for the Reception children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


Several girls were whizzing around on tricycles, while a couple of children were happily splashing around in the mud kitchen. Christopher sat down on the edge of a large sandbox and reached out to pick up a toy digger that was half-buried in the sand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


Suddenly, his hand was pushed away roughly as a little girl with white-blonde curls addressed him crossly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\u201cYou can\u2019t play in the sandbox. It\u2019s mine,\u201d she scowled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


The teaching assistant stepped in. \u201cNow Elspeth, I\u2019m glad you\u2019re enjoying the sandbox so much, but you need to remember that it\u2019s not just yours. It\u2019s for everyone to share.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

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Tentatively, Christopher reached instead for a bright red bulldozer, but again, he was stopped in his tracks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


Elspeth, now red in the face, stomped right up to him and screamed, \u201cGet out! Get out of my sandbox!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n


Christopher\u2019s eyes filled with tears as the teaching assistant reprimanded the girl once more. Mrs. Bashir then turned to comfort him by thumping him firmly and repeatedly between the shoulder blades.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\u201cDon\u2019t worry about Elspeth, sweetheart. She\u2019s not that bad really, she just seems to have taken a real shine to that sandbox. I\u2019m sure Elspeth will soon learn to share.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n


At that moment, Mr. Sickly-Sweet came outside and addressed all of the children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\u201cListen carefully, boys and girls! It\u2019s time to come back inside the classroom. We have something very exciting to do now, and you will all get the chance to make some lovely new friends in this next lesson.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Once back inside, Mr. Sickly-Sweet asked the class to sit down, and began putting various trays, bags, and boxes onto the children\u2019s tables. On the next table, Christopher spotted Elspeth grabbing all of the equipment quickly, before her classmates got the chance to take any.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n


\u201cListen carefully, everybody!\u201d Mr. Sickly-Sweet cried, his eyes glistening with glee. \u201cWe have plenty of drinking straws, Lego bricks, buttons, cardboard tubes, and lots of wool and string. You can all start making your new friends as soon as you\u2019ve decided what you want to make them out of.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

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Chapter 7: Dinnertime<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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All of the children at Cudby Yaw Primary School had school dinners every day. That is to say, all of the children at Cudby Yaw Primary School were given school dinners every day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


Generally, they tried to avoid actually eating them whenever possible, although after a gruelling morning (and all mornings were gruelling at Cudby Yaw Primary School), they were so utterly hungry by lunchtime that they would gladly have eaten a bathroom tile, or even a so-called Jolly Meal from the local fast-food restaurant, given half the chance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\u201cWhat is this even supposed to be?\u201d Molly asked her friends in disgust as they sat in the cavernous dinner hall together one Wednesday lunchtime. \u201cI mean, why does it always look like wallpaper paste?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\u201cMaybe it is wallpaper paste?\u201d Stephen replied, his own face mirroring the repulsion he saw on Molly\u2019s.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


Alee agreed. \u201cIt wouldn\u2019t be so bad if they\u2019d only give us something different sometimes. This looks exactly the same as whatever it was we ate for lunch yesterday.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\u201cHow disgusting!\u201d Stephen giggled, \u201cImagine if we really were eating the same food every day! Although nothing would surprise me in this place.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n


Molly nodded, because she couldn\u2019t speak. She was too busy trying to chew her way through something tough and unidentifiable. Suddenly she winced painfully and spat her mouthful back onto her plate, holding her hand up to the side of her mouth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\u201cWhat on earth was that?\u201d she yelled, as a trickle of blood oozed from her gum. \u201cIt was really hard, whatever it was!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n


The bell rang to signal the end of lunch, just as Stephen noticed something. \u201cMolly, your tooth!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n


Molly had simultaneously realised that one of her lower incisors was now missing. She turned back towards the table where they had eaten, but the lunchtime supervisors had already cleared away their plates and were busily scraping their leftovers into what was delightfully known as the \u2018slops bucket\u2019.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

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\u201cAh well,\u201d said Molly ruefully, \u201cI guess I won\u2019t be getting any money from the tooth fairy for that one.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n


The next day, the three friends sat together again on one of the long benches that lined the dinner hall, gazing dolefully down at their plates as their appetites predictably dwindled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\u201cSame old grey slop as usual then,\u201d grumbled Alee, picking up his spoon reluctantly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\u201cYeah,\u201d said Molly, \u201cAlthough I\u2019ve got something with a bit of white in. Hang on…. That\u2019s…\u201d Her face turned green and her stomach lurched as, for the first time ever, she finally recognised something on her plate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


\u201cThat\u2019s my tooth…\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

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Schoolchildren: do you KNOW that all of the teachers at your school are weirdos \u2013 ranging from the merely peculiar to the downright creepy\/sinister \u2013 but when you try to tell this to your parents, they don\u2019t believe you? Grown-ups: do you remember feeling like this when you were at school? Then have we got… Continue reading Ghastly<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-124","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","entry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/la-granota.com\/blogs\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/124","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/la-granota.com\/blogs\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/la-granota.com\/blogs\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/la-granota.com\/blogs\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/la-granota.com\/blogs\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=124"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/la-granota.com\/blogs\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/124\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":350,"href":"https:\/\/la-granota.com\/blogs\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/124\/revisions\/350"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/la-granota.com\/blogs\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=124"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/la-granota.com\/blogs\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=124"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/la-granota.com\/blogs\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=124"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}